Pluck
by VakaPyro
Summary: An overzealous attempt to stop an overenthusiastic hero goes awry. Midna must search for a way to help Link, though it means facing off against the most fearsome creatures ever seen in Hyrule... (Crackfic. Sort of.)


Pluck

-O-

Summer. The woods of the light spirit Faron were beautiful at this time of the year.

Indeed, only the coldest of persons would not be expected to gape in amazement at it. At the height of day, rays of sunlight would stream down between the branches. Birdsong would echo throughout, reaching even the deep gorges. In every direction, a traveller would be graced with the sight of green overgrowth all the way up to the canopy, the gnarled, twisted brown trunks of trees and the occasional patch of bare earth. In short, it was a showcase of nature largely untouched by man, and was unparalleled in its form of beauty. Faron woods were renowned for the picturesque serenity, and a certain darker infamy attributed to its furthest depths. As a result, it earned and enjoyed its isolation.

The hour of twilight however transformed this peaceful environment into something unparalleled. With the change in the angle of the sun, what remained of the daylight would stream almost horizontally through the forest, raising an obscured, golden haze that gave the impression of a blaze every night from the west. The calls of the birds would descend into the ringing of crickets, which too would soon quieten, leaving only the whispering conversation of the trees as the breeze filtered past them. Nothing came close to matching the unbridled and yet pleasant silence of this time; what few thinking-occupants there were of Faron woods would cherish this time, and thank the Goddesses for gracing them with such a place.

Except... for in this brief, entirely forgettable moment in the expansive history of this world, when two rather unlikely and _unruly_ companions traversed their way through it, ignoring entirely the offered beauty of the twilight forest.

"Link… we need to stop."

The shrill, childlike voice carrying those words shattered the silence like the smashing of glass. It echoed about the area in such a sudden manner that it might have frightened any lesser being. However, the perpetrator and the one bound to her were made of sterner stuff.

Certainly, for the one who had elicited such a voice had overcome certain death not a day prior.

She was small, humanoid, shaped in a strange feminine manner and yet was distinctly not human. Her skin was covered in shades of monotone coloured fur, the black patches shaping what almost looked like clothes. Her arms were long, furred and spindly, hands tipped with sharp, claw-like fingers. Her legs were short and stubby, feet surely too small to carry her weight. Her head was large for her size, its width exacerbated by long, pointy black ears, the face set with a fierce grimace accentuated with a fang, escaping from her lips. Her defining feature, aside from the glowing turquoise tattoos covering her body was the ominous two-pronged crown set atop her head, obscuring her fiery-red hair. The solitary eye adorning it, masking the other frowning sunset-coloured eye on the face of the creature gave the twofold impression of someone who wanted to hide… but the subtle glint observable by only the most perceptive could see that instead this was someone who was anything but a coward.

All in all, the immediate perception by any in _this_ world would dismiss her as nothing other than a ferocious, ugly little imp wearing a strange, intimidating crown.

The companion she travelled with, Link, whom she was incidentally seated atop of as he ran held no such prejudices. At least, not any more.

Link snorted in response to her sharp words, panting rapidly to the point of hyperventilation. At first glance… and for some, several more, the one named Link was for all intents and purposes, a gigantic, savage and yet proud wolf. He was covered in dark grey fur, with lighter patches situated primarily on his underside. He sported deep, piercing blue eyes that would draw the observer in… were it not for his snarling, fang-laden mouth.

On further observation however, one would notice the strange way he held himself on all-fours, even at the otherwise natural sprint he carried both himself and his companion at. The peculiar, diamond-swirling pattern on his forehead. The little blue-earrings on his ears, the broken, slightly rusty shackle bound to his front-left paw. Most of all however… his eyes would look over you in a way that you could swear he was thinking more than just whether you meant him or his companion harm.

Right now however, his sharp eyes were dull and unseeing, somehow managing to avert obstacles such as the errant log or grassy furrow. His pace was slower than usual, his bounding more shaky and uncontrolled. The aforementioned panting was almost as loud as the ethereal voice of the imp, overcoming the natural sounds of the forest around them.

In short, he was exhausted. His companion, though a little light-headed, was far more energetic.

"Link! Listen to me! You need to stop _now_ or you're going to collapse! We're never going to get there if you drive yourself into the ground!" Spoke the imp once more, notably more insistent this time around. A twitch of the wolf's ears were her only acknowledgement, which only served to make her grimace further, her small hands gripping onto his fur more tightly. Not that he noticed.

Taking more drastic measures, the imp leaned as far forward on his back as she dared, conscious of falling off of her bucking steed. The fiery red hair bound in a crude ponytail over her crown seemed to lengthen, glowing slightly brighter in the twilight, defying gravity and all reason to form the shape of a hand hovering over Link's head.

"Link…! Please listen to little Midna! I'm worried that you're going to hurt bo… _your_ self!" The now-named Midna stuttered, pleading with the wolf. He seemed to stumble at her words, his strained, lupine face contorted in surprise. Still, he went on, nearly crashing headfirst into a boulder beside the narrow dirt-path they both travelled on.

Her grimace now developing into a scowl, Midna raised herself to an upright sitting position, managing to still herself despite the instability. " _Stop!_ Listen! To! _Me!_ " This time, it was less a plea and more of a demand- irritable in tone, but no less urgent. Link, in his state of exhaustion, and unable to distinguish just the _kind_ of irritation in her voice, still ignored her.

The wrong thing to do when the person you're ignoring can punch you with a glowing fist bigger than your body.

Whilst before she might have done such a thing, after everything they had been through, and what Link had _just_ done to save her, Midna was feeling far more gentle. Instead, she shrunk the glowing hand made of her hair, and, rather suddenly, grasped the wolf's head with it, obscuring his eyes, and forcing his head downwards in an attempt to make him slow down and stop. Or so she hoped.

Unfortunately, Midna had not estimated how little strength remained in Link's body, for his body awkwardly and sharply followed his head downward. The sudden inertia at his front did nothing to quell the momentum of his hind legs, propelling both his rear and companion upward and over.

Several tumbles and half-formed curse words later, both Link and Midna found themselves entangled together by the side of the path, dust-covered and rather worse for wear.

Midna rose herself up quickly, blinking in the light she was unused to and with the dizziness, ready to reprimand her companion. As she whirled to see his face however, she stopped. Her expression softened from indignant anger to one of concern.

Link's eyes were closed tight, though Midna knew it was no indicator of the amount of pain he might be in. He was taking in huge gulps of air, his long tongue lolling with the rhythmic breathing. Were he capable of sweating in this form, he would be drenched, she knew.

So instead, she placed her small, clawed hand on his forehead, gently covering the mark she had only read about as a girl. The one indicative that her companion was the Sacred Beast of legend, and yet she knew better.

She sighed, long and withering. After a few moments where the only sound was Link's winded-panting, a chuckle reverberated. Then another, and another, until Midna found herself in a full-on belly laugh, the force of it causing her to lean forward till her head rested on his, her eyes screwed shut with the hilarity.

Slowly, Link opened an eye, peering up at his mirthful companion and managing to huff with irritation at her antics. Inwardly however, despite what she had just done he was extremely pleased to see her in high spirits. Full of life. Especially after...

Nonetheless, after several more moments of watching Midna giggle and catching his breath, he huffed again more forcefully, the scent of it making the imp's nose wrinkle, causing her to begin collecting herself.

She opened her eyes and looked at him with a strange, smug expression. "See dog-breath? You _can_ listen to me with the right sort of… _persuasion_! Hee hee!" Midna said in a sing-song manner, which only made Link roll his tired eyes.

Determined to wipe the look off her face, and not thinking logically in his state of exhaustion, Link opened his mouth and with the close proximity managed to lick the imp's face all the way from her chin up to her forehead, deriving to his satisfaction a look of both shock and revulsion from her.

Moving backward, Midna began to wipe off the slobber off her face, and seeing the light amusement in his eyes did so in an exaggerated manner with added sounds of disgust. After getting what she could of it off, she just sighed and shook her head, smiling lopsidedly at the wolf who was regarding her now with an inscrutable expression.

"So… now that you're finally listening to me, what do you say about getting some early rest for tonight? The Sacred Grove can wait… wherever it is. We've had a long day…" The reminder of the events earlier in the day and those previous immediately sobered the fleeting light-heartedness that had filled them, with Link dipping his head slightly, eyes narrowing, and Midna unconsciously hugging herself, her smile dropping into a closed-off expression.

Although before he was reluctant, Link was quick to try and avert this change in mood, nodding awkwardly as he was unable to voice his answer. Midna nodded slowly in return, giving him a half-smile.

"Can... you walk, Link? We should find somewhere out of sight… right?" The imp questioned dubiously, to which the wolf nodded once more, attempting to arise from his sitting position.

All of a sudden, there was a piercing yelp as Link tried to stand, and he collapsed back onto the ground, his eyes screwed shut in pain.

Midna immediately understood this to be serious- Link _never_ cried out to any minor wounds he received in their adventure, not even during the Forest Temple at the beginning of their journey, where she could not have cared less about his welfare. How things had changed.

Moving over quickly, the imp desperately tried looking over Link to see what had caused this sudden pain in her friend. "Link! What's wrong? What has been hurt? Where...?" She questioned quickly, ready to act.

Laboriously, unable at this time to regard her with the bewildered expression he wanted to at her concerned attitude, Link shifted his front-left paw slightly, difficult with the pain and the heavy shackle attached to it. To the both of them, given the amount of time spent on this journey and the knowledge they now had of injuries and ailments from Renado of Kakariko, it was immediately obvious to the both of them that his leg had been broken in the tumble. A quick once-over determined it to be a simple closed fracture given the minimal dislocation, so it would be easy to set.

However, it meant that until Link was healed, no matter how long it took, their journey to find the Sacred Grove Zelda had told them about would have to wait.

Midna bit back the chastisement threatening out of her throat. She _was_ responsible for this after all, and after everything… He needed more than a little bit of slack. It didn't stop her from hissing at the sight of him in this state, nor grimacing to the extent that her array of sharp teeth were on display.

A thought wormed its way into her head then. ' _Now I can traverse the world of Light… I could go get help! It'll be unpleasant… but I won't let this stumble_ my _little wolf!_ '

Swallowing down the sudden possessiveness in her mind, the little twili snapped her fingers, grabbing Link's attention. "Right Link, I'm gonna move you somewhere safe, and then _I_ get to be the hero! How's that sound? You sit still like the good dog you are now okay?" Midna asserted as orotund as she could with her impish voice, and gently extended her magical hair to encapsulate the wolf before he could protest.

Flush with her sudden surge of courage, only now imagining the possibilities she wasn't so _limited_ , Midna grinned at Link's bewildered struggling and lifted both him and herself off the ground and led them slowly further into the forest.

* * *

-O-

It took little time for Midna to find the spring of the Light Spirit Faron, with the inactive twili portal hovering over it, serving as almost a beacon of shadow magic for her to navigate.

It was taking far longer however for her to determine just what she could do to find help for Link.

Firstly, despite her innate understanding of animals, she was having trouble understanding the signals given from her companion; in this form their discourse was limited to him merely nudging her, growling, sniffling or otherwise to indicate what he wanted. Giving directions and descriptions was much more difficult, especially with a broken leg to impede what little signals he could give.

As such, whilst Link soaked in the antiseptic waters of the spring, Midna was reaching the end of her tether trying to understand him. Judging from the wolf's tight expression, he was just as frustrated.

' _Or he could be in pain, and I'm just floating here dawdling whilst I could be_ doing _something about it!'_ Midna thought impatiently. She floated down into the pool beside Link, looking into the distance whilst he watched her.

Getting help from Ordon was out of the question. Not only were they both creatures which would likely receive less than hospitable treatment, she wasn't sure maintaining her shadow form to steal something from the villagers would bear fruit. They didn't have any healing potions or bone-fracture remedies from what she saw, nor did she think Link would be very pleased with her pilfering his home further after last time.

Frowning, stretching her mind as much as she could for an alternative, something occurred to her. How had Link stocked himself with red potions and oil for their first true challenge? The foray into the Forest Temple had been quite the trial for the then-inexperienced and soft farmhand, receiving many wounds and close-calls to her amusement.

For not the first time in the past few weeks, Midna swallowed the thick guilt and shame that came with such memories and instead focused on just _how_ he had been prepared as he was. She certainly had cared little at the time, but she had been everywhere with him… surely there was something…

"The bird. Link, the bird… the one you… dipped your jars into cauldrons for… I think? Am I right? Is he near here?" Midna asked hesitantly, feeling her hopes rise. Link's eyes seemed to widen, before he then rolled his eyes and shook his head, sighing heavily through his nostrils. He looked up at her then with a glimmer in his eyes, and began making a breathy, wheezing sound similar to a cough.

Or a laugh, as Midna folded her arms and gave an expression of faux-annoyance. "Please tell me you haven't been trying to tell me that this whole time…" She asked in a low voice. His tilted head and half-lidded, dull eyes told her all she needed to know.

Snorting, she turned away from him. "Well it would _help_ if _someone_ could actually _speak_ wolf, so I wouldn't have to rely on their sub-par sign-language! Now how do I get there?!" She demanded, trying to cover up any sheepishness.

If Link detected anything, he didn't show it. He merely indicated with his healthy paw down the path past the spring that she knew would ultimately lead to the Forest Temple. She crossed her arms and frowned.

"But where is it along the path? I could end up searching for days!" Midna complained. Link frowned as thoughtfully as his lupine features would allow, before gesturing once more toward the path. He then made a long, slow motion across before dipping his paw down and crossing, shaking his head in addition. He then retracted his paw slightly before where he had done the crossing gesture, and then nodded.

"So… it's just _before_ the Temple?" Midna asked slowly. Link nodded vigorously, making the same wheezing sound from before with his tongue hanging out of his mouth in a pant. The imp blew out of her mouth, rolling her eyes.

"Finally! You could have just said you know, it would have been a lot faster!" She gibed cheekily, to which Link snorted. Wasting no time, Midna then moved to the edge of the pool and began to sink into one of the shadows by the trees.

"Well… whatever. You take care of yourself Link, it looks like _I_ will be the one to save you _this time_!" As her echoing giggles quietened upon her diffusion into the shadow, the wolf allowed himself one loud chuckle before looking up to the twilight sky in thought, smiling as best he could.

* * *

-O-

Similarly to the spring, finding the Forest Temple was easy. It was quite the landmark, and cast many a shadow within and around it that Midna in her shadow form could pull herself to. She was still mystified how the Light-dwellers managed, without such a convenient means of moving around quickly.

Her thoughts now though were on the shop Link had procured his dungeon-dwelling supplies from. This too had been easy to find once she got to the temple. There was only one path leading to the entrance, and just beyond the bridge that led to it, there was a small awning beside the track with various bubbling cauldrons and sacks full of what Midna thought looked like acorns.

' _Must be those Deku nuts that Link likes to use so much_.' She wondered idly upon approaching. Midna had arisen out of the shadows upon finding her objective, seeing nobody tending to the stall.

Looking around furtively, it didn't take long for her to produce one of Link's empty jars from her magical storage, and approach the cauldron filled with red liquid. If there was nobody here, then it was their own fault they lost some of their wares, not to mention Link was far more important than some second-rate indignant shopkeeper losing barely a scoopful of the sludge!

With those thoughts in mind, Midna quickly uncorked the bottle, dipped it into the liquid until it was filled and re-corked it before putting it back into her storage. Nodding to herself and smiling, she prepared to retreat back into the shadows and return to Link, knowing it would at least do _something_.

"Hey! Are you gonna pay for that?"

The peaceful, almost _breathing_ ambience of the trees and wind was utterly shattered by the piercing squawk just over Midna's head.

Suffice to say she jumped, screeching in fright and reflexively lashing out with a black bolt of shadow magic in the direction she heard the noise.

"H-hey! Watch where you're aiming! You're not a robber now are you?!" Chirruped the nasally voice again. This time Midna was able to spot who had spoken, looking up to the branch above her head. Judging from the charred bark in the tree trunk behind it, her aim had barely missed the indignant green and yellow parrot that was now carefully fluttering back down, keeping its beady black eyes trained on her the whole time.

She remembered now; this little bird was the owner of this stall… or at least he kept watch. When Link had made to pay, the bird had reluctantly allowed the nearly penniless hero to short-change.

"Oi! You listening? You attack me, you nearly saunter off without paying… Hmph! Pay up already and go!" Crowed the bird once more, flapping his wings in what Midna assumed was an attempt at intimidation.

Gritting her teeth, Midna levitated up to his level, feeling an odd irritation within her at his rudeness. She didn't have any rupees, but she wasn't about to go back to Link without something to help him, let alone reveal that she was scared off by this _morsel!_

"Now you listen here _chicken nugget_! I don't have _time_ to listen to your clucking, or pay for this _sludge!_ So… buzz off! I'm leaving and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Midna spat into the little bird's face, swivelling around after her tirade and descending to the ground, preparing to descend into the shadows. So what if it made her a thief? She couldn't care less if it meant Link was healed.

"Oi! Where are you going? You still haven't… wait. What… Did you just call me… _chicken_?" Inquired the bird incredulously, curiously, his spurt of anger quickly abated. Midna paid it no mind.

"Yep, suck it up! Not even that, you're not enough to even _snack_ on, you little chicken wing! See you later hee-hee… huh?" Her self-satisfied bravado cut short as she reached the ground. Normally she'd be able to drop into the shadows as easily as a fish diving into the sea, but now…

It was like dipping her foot into thick treacle. Slow, difficult. Her apprehension increased a hundred-fold when the little bird she had just filched landed softly before her, his head cocked to the side as he regarded the imp.

' _Did it just get darker?'_ Midna thought, noticing the surroundings seem to fade away in her periphery. The hour of twilight didn't end this quickly! Feeling an odd sense of foreboding, the little imp tried to slip into the shadows faster, but it was still taking far too long…

Attempting to pull out didn't work out either, and suddenly it was as if she was stuck in quicksand, only she wasn't sinking very fast either. As the bird hopped forward toward her, Midna bared her teeth and readied a shadow spell. She wasn't defenceless!

"Now you see… _Creature…_ you call me a… 'chicken'… I'm quite honoured! _Ecstatic_ in fact! I knew someone else would eventually recognise how far I had advanced in the birddom!" The bird crowed, slowly moving toward Midna the whole time, his wings raised slightly. In response, Midna moved back as far as she could, her fierce expression falling into one of apprehensive confusion.

"You're… welcome…? Now get out of my way, and undo whatever spell you've put on the ground!" Midna thought it must have looked comical; her, a princess in a disfigured body making weak pleas with a parrot after stealing from him.

Still, what could he do? After several moments of tense silence interrupted only by the breeze and the light tapping of the bird's feet, Midna decided to fire her magic at the bird, hoping that would be the end of it.

Bad mistake.

The bird effortlessly hopped out of the path of the black lightning, though he stopped his advance. Instead he cocked his head once again, and narrowed his eyes. "Hmm… despite the… flattery you offer me, it doesn't change the fact that it's quite rude to attack those trying to serve you, you know!" He said in as chastising voice his little vocal cords could muster, as if he were addressing a child.

This didn't sit well with Midna, who forgot her apprehension immediately upon recognising the tone. Snarling, she readied another bolt, trying in earnest to pull free from the thick shadows, all thought of escape forgotten. She would show him 'rude'!

Before she could give him a piece of her mind however, both violently and verbally, the bird raised his wings once more in what the imp assumed was a placating manner.

"It's quite clear now that you are in fact… a _thief_! Now… do you know what us _chickens_ do with thieves?"

' _Did he just try to be menacing?'_ Midna thought with amusement, coiling her furred arms back in preparation to throw her next bolt of magic. Idly, she wondered why the bird seemed ignorant to the magic that she knew if it hit, would do more than leave a little burn.

"I don't know chicken _nugget_ , what do you do?" She responded snarkily, grinning as she aimed. It would be just discourteous after all to interrupt before he got roasted, Midna reasoned.

The bird seemed to sigh quietly in reaction to her words, dipping his narrow-feathered head downward. Just before Midna could begin to drop her guard, his head snapped up again, features contorted grotesquely beyond physical reason into something that even the imp thought unsettling.

"We tear them to bloody pieces! _Come on girls, it's feasting TIME!"_ Screeched the bird at such an ear-piercing volume that Midna recoiled backward in surprise, dissipating her readied magic in favour of clasping her ears, squeezing her eyelids shut.

After a few moments of surprised introspection, Midna opened her eyes and unclasped her hands slowly, looking around for the bird, who had moved to a perch just above the potion cauldrons, standing oddly solemn after his little display.

She started to screech in return what she thought would have been a particularly venomous comeback, and then what the bird had said clicked in her mind. _'Girls?'_

The answer came soon enough. Her ears had begun to stop ringing… only for the incessant noise to be replaced by an odd sound of buzzing.

Taking her eyes off of the ominous little bird, Midna looked around from where she was rooted, trying to find the source of the noise. It was coming closer, and with each passing second, the buzzing developed into something more rhythmic.

' _Flapping wings?'_ She thought, sourcing the noise as coming from above. Merely a second later, she wished she had never looked, her jaw dropping.

From the sky, through the twilight-lit branches and gaps, fluttered and flapped down dozens upon dozens of _cuccos._

At first, Midna thought it almost comical the way they clumsily and haphazardly landed about the area. But soon enough, that thought twisted into the sinking feeling of dread as more and more poured in, only to land and immediately approach her.

Was that… hunger in their eyes? Midna gulped; what was it Link had said? _'Midna, you might think it's funny, but cuccos are no laughing matter when they're riled! Sure, they're quite patient, but if you cross them…!_ ' She had always thought it laughable, the peasant warning the princess about some mundane light-dwelling farm animal.

Only now, seeing them surround her, their sharp beaks snapping, the clucking of the birds the most terrifying sound in that moment of Hyrule, did Midna completely and utterly believe in the risks of Link's old job. No wonder he was the hero if he had to deal with these!

Quite quickly, it sank in just what kind of a situation she had found herself in. She couldn't escape- the shadows were inaccessible and had in fact ensnared her, preventing her from flying away. With the sheer number of birds, and being quite unused to using shadow magic in the Light-realm, she didn't know if she could stop them all. Whatever they were going to do,she was helpless to prevent. The realisation made her more afraid than what Zant had managed to instil.

Her thoughts rapidly turned to her hero, as crippled as he currently was. He and Zelda had just saved her life; Link had suffered much during her abuses and slave-driving before, and he had still unerringly moved to help her, still wanted to protect her. She had been entertaining the thought as to why that might be, despite everything, on their journey to these accursed woods. Now there was no time.

' _And he can't save you now_.' Midna thought wistfully, bringing her arms about her, trying to gather as much shadow magic as she could from her solitary Fused Shadow. If she was going to die in the most humiliating manner possible, she would at least fry as many of these cuccos as she could!

"Attack! Show her just who she was messing with!" Midna heard the shopkeeper squawk, and almost immediately upon him uttering those words, the cuccos rushed toward her, snapping and flapping.

In this moment, despite everything, Midna stood as proudly as she could, lopsided and regal before the coming onslaught.

* * *

-O-

' _And so ends the reign of Princess Midna, usurped, cursed into an imp with only a dog for company… finally murdered by a platoon of chickens… Huh?'_

What she thought would be her final musing was cut short. Not by the cuccos, who would surely render her insensate in short order.

She had begun to close her eyes, not wanting to see what would happen. However, a bright, blue light from the sky made her widen them again in surprise. Clearly, she wasn't the only one who had noticed- all the chickens had stopped their charge- she dumbly noticed them stumbling over each other in panic.

"What is _that_? What's going on?!" Screeched the shopkeeper, just as bewildered as the imp. The light continued to brighten.

An ear-splitting booming sound, easily overcoming the bird's earlier shout rang out overhead, though this time Midna had not time to cover her ears before the ground began to shake, the light from above brightened further, and then in an instant crashed _through_ the canopy into the ground before the shop.

It was as if the entire arsenal of fireworks from Castle Town had exploded right in her face. Beyond the enveloping light, burning feathers and ash swarmed past her. She could hardly hear her own scream above that of the swarm.

In an instant it was all over.

The acrid smell of char and smoke reached her nose, along with the almost pleasant smell of… roast chicken? The realisation made her feel nauseous, and as her twilight-attuned eyes slowly adjusted to the blinding flash she had just seen, what had happened became slowly apparent.

All around her, the cuccos which had moments ago been out for her blood, including the little shopkeeper, were all laid on the ground. Roasted, lacking any feathers, as if they were prepared for eating. The madness of it all made her want to scream manically.

"sup."

The low, almost monotonous single word utterance _did_ make her scream anew, her echoing voice ringing about the area scorched by the immense magic.

"whoa, take it easy there kid, no need to give the supersonic treatment to your rescuer. it looked like you were having a bad time there, so i thought i could help out."

Midna slowly turned to the source of the voice. She had been freed from the ground after the explosion, but could not garner the thought at this moment to follow through her original plan. Instead, upon locating her rescuer, she gawked at him, mouth agape.

To the twilight princess, he appeared to be a stalfos- a reanimated human skeleton usually armed to the teeth and always ready for a fight. She and Link had not yet encountered many of these, but she already knew they were not to be trifled with. And yet…

This particular one was short and quite small anatomically, not enough to be a stalchild. He wore a thick blue garment over his torso, with thick sleeves, arms tucked into the pockets of short black trousers. On his feet, to Midna's surprise, were pink slippers. His outfit was unlike anything she had seen before- she instantly assumed he was from neither Hyrule nor the Twilight.

Beyond that… his expression and overall demeanour was far less intimidating than your usual stalfos, with a wide, almost pudgy face, a large grin and dopey eyesockets, complete with almost pinprick-grey pupils. Despite this, Midna found something unsettling, almost _piercing_ about looking him in the eye for too long, and instead resorted to looking at his mouth.

Was _he_ the one who had produced such a display of power? The imp didn't think he looked like much, though as she knew only too well, looking at herself and her companion, appearances could be deceiving.

Remaining apprehensive and careful, she decided to bite back the rude remarks she had about his unkempt appearance, and on how _another_ stalfos was talking to her. Instead, she asked what she thought was the safest question of all.

"Who… are you?"

He didn't seem to react to her question beyond grinning just a little more tightly, his eyes watching her narrowed only slightly as well. "well you see, a hero like me has many names, though the one i like most of all is…" His speech petered out toward the end, and he watched her with amusement as the imp frowned in askance.

"…the legendary fartmaster." He chuckled as Midna's face fell, only to be replaced by one of irritated chagrin. Looking around, the skeleton trudged over to the biggest pile of cuccos he had roasted in his devastating attack.

' _So he's a little joker is he? Well… I don't trust him, he might look unassuming, but_ anyone _who can pull off a spell like that..._ ' Midna thought, watching the visitor mistrustfully. "Why are you here?" She asked curtly.

In response, the skeleton turned toward her, shrugging. "dunno. i was kicked out of grillby's. too much on my tab apparently, so i have to get grub from somewhere, or paps'll end up making me dinner. s'much as i love my brother… i could do without spaghetti for tonight i think." He said dryly. Midna merely blinked at his words, slowly levitating up off the ground.

"Grillby's? Spaghetti? What are those?" She demanded. To Midna, most of what the skeleton had just said did not make sense. A stalfos with a brother?

Seemingly ignoring her questions, the visitor turned back to the carcasses on the ground and pointed. "hey, you using these? bet they'll do nicely…" The imp frowned and shook her head, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm not sure if I want to eat what was just trying to kill me moments ago. I don't think they've been properly cooked… either…?" Her speech devolved into open-mouthed bewilderment as the skeleton snapped his finger at her words, eliciting a bright blue spark reminiscent of the light from earlier.

It took her a moment to notice that all the cuccos on the floor, including the little shopkeeper had vanished. "more for us then, thanks i guess." He said nonchalantly. Before she could recover from her shock, the skeleton turned toward her and approached.

Though he appeared to be unassuming and harmless, Midna knew better, floating away from him. As she did so, he grinned at her in a lopsided manner, splaying his arms out from himself in a placating manner.

"hey, relax, i just wanna shake hands with you my pal! i ain't got nothing against you, i promise." He said in as reassuring a manner Midna could imagine his voice getting. Nonetheless, she was mollified, and she let go of the magic she had been unconsciously preparing. Something about him unsettled her despite everything, but she couldn't quite pin it down.

Seeing him raise his right hand in the familiar gesture, Midna carefully floated toward him and did the same, her visible eyebrow raised. If this is how he wanted to do it… Well if Link could be patient, then she could be also! At that thought, she almost earnestly threw her hand toward his, biting her lip.

As soon as her small palm contacted, a loud, ripping noise rang out, sounding rather flatulent. Looking up in surprise to the visitor's widening grin, her wide-eyed expression rapidly turned to one of irritation.

"Look, _pal_ , I don't know what you think you're playing at with this… jester-attitude you've got going on, but I need to get going, my friend needs me." Midna stated levelly, nodding in self-assurance. The visitor responded with a shrug.

"well, not everyone finds that one funny. can't blame 'em, not everyone is quite as _humerus_ as i can be at my best." The skeleton said jokily, to which Midna groaned. Instead of dignifying the terrible pun with a response, the imp elected to float past him in order to get to Link. Maybe he would know something about a stalfos like him.

"wait there a second. you say your friend needs you right? what are you gonna help him with?" The visitor asked seriously, making Midna pause. She tried producing the bottle from her storage, only to find it impossible to do so. Frowning in suspicion, she looked toward where she had been trapped, and sure enough, there was a smashed bottle, in addition to a scant few other burnt-up supplies.

' _Whatever held me in place before must have undone my magic… that bird…!'_ Midna thought angrily. The few supplies they had were now useless, along with her means of helping Link. What could she do now?

"as i thought. looks like you're going nowhere fast with those… how about _this_? i reckon your friend will like it- you can have one too, on the house for providing me with all this chicken." At his words, the visitor approached Midna once more and produced two objects in his hands. They both appeared to be sausages covered in a red sauce within a bread bun. To her bemusement, the sausages seemed to have vaguely shaped dog-heads on the ends.

"What are they?" Midna asked dubiously, taking the offered foodstuffs from the stalfos. He grinned, shrugging again.

"hot dogs. i think it suits, don't you agree? besides, if you eat those, you won't need a number two at the end of the journey! a double whammy over the cough syrup you were gonna give him i reckon, better for you too." At his crude words, Midna scowled and rolled her eyes, despite the quiet chortling of the skeleton.

"Are you sure these will work? He has a broken leg…" She inquired, unable to keep the strong tone of suspicion from her voice. He may have saved her, but…

The visitor nodded slowly. "positive. you make an offering of dinner like that back there, and it's the least i can do. heh… need any more favours, just serve up like that and i'll come running." He promised, winking at her and smiling. Midna merely rose her eyebrow at his antics.

"Well… thanks I guess. If I find out this doesn't work…" She kept her threat hidden, though deep-down after the display he had just given, she knew that it was empty. It occurred to her that if he were 'on-side', he could help them out further.

But she kept such a thought quiet, watching him as he ignored her threat and moved to the centre of the scorched clearing where he had saved her from the chickens, hands in his pockets, giving him a hunched appearance.

He turned back to her then, and smiled. "well, thanks for the grub. i really ought to get going, paps is gonna wonder where i've been." In response, Midna smiled too, hesitantly.

"Thanks as well… I guess, for saving me, and… these…" She said tentatively, to which the visitor winked once more.

"no worries. welp, i'm off then. see you later…"

" **Your Majesty.** "

The sudden, guttural voice ringing close in her ears, along with the insinuation of those words made her jump in surprise, and she looked at him just in time to see his left eye glow bright blue. A shocked blink later, and she was all alone by the devastated path.

The fartmaster was gone.

* * *

-X-

Link sat beside Faron Spring, watching the path to the Forest Temple, twitching and keening agitatedly.

They had set his leg, and then after Midna had left after his difficulty of trying to explain to her where to go to find potions, he had waited restlessly for her to return.

He couldn't help it. Link himself was safe of course- residing in the revitalised spring of Faron meant that no harm would befall him, but less could be said for his companion.

' _Midna…_ ' Link repeated to himself like a mantra. He had driven himself past the point of exhaustion for her with the past day's events. Together, they had just defeated the colossal worm-like creature Morpheel in the Lakebed Temple. It had then seemed that their journey together was over; he had repaid his debt to her, saved his friends from Ordon and uncovered the Twilight from Hyrule, and she had the Fused Shadows she sought. Despite their less than civil partnership up until recently, Link had grown fond of the imp, and was feeling sad that he would have to see her go.

And then _he_ happened.

All Link could remember was the awful, scratching feeling as the usurper's magic oppressed down on him, a piercing, blinding pain as _something_ was forced into his head…

… And the most blood-curdling scream elicited from Midna as she was forced into the world of Light, attacked inadvertently by the very personification of light itself.

Lanayru had saved them then, transporting both Link in his lupine state, and a mortally wounded Midna to Hyrule field with the whispered instructions to find Princess Zelda. He hadn't needed to be told twice.

A rush of adrenaline. Rain falling so hard it felt like thorns through his fur, only fuelling his desire to _save_ her. And then when he got there… Zelda had told him about a _sword_ in a Sacred Grove that would save him, though at the time he had not been interested. She had quickly caught on, smiling as she seemed to sacrifice herself in saving Midna.

Only after both companions had calmed down, both of them embracing as only an imp and wolf could, did they consider Zelda's words. And so here they were. Whilst he was inwardly pleased to see Midna now looking around with interest at the world of Light, her tolerance assured by whatever gift the Princess of Light had bestowed upon her, the adrenaline from his desperate struggle to get to the castle soon wore off. He had after all spent days traversing an underwater dungeon just beforehand, and then raced back and forth across all of Hyrule. It was struggle enough to keep his eyes open.

Link refused to sleep now though that Midna was gone. Whilst he was certain she could take care of herself, her brush with death was still raw in his mind.

Hearing an ear splitting explosion from the direction of the temple, so loud it spooked all the birds roosting and settling down for the night out of their trees did not assuage his concern in the slightest.

After several minutes of anxious waiting, Link had been preparing to attempt in following his companion down the path before she suddenly returned.

Unconsciously, his tail had begun to wag, and he intently looked over her as she slowly levitated toward him, strange objects in-hand. He yipped to grab her attention, upon doing so the imp looked at him with an expression he could only interpret as mystified.

Attempting what he thought was a questioning look, Link peered at her impatiently, waiting for his normally talkative companion to speak. She approached and settled down beside him, her gaze moving toward the objects in his hand. Whilst he was curious, the hero was more intent on hearing what had happened. ' _If only I could speak!_ ' He thought despairingly, not for the first or last time in their partnership.

He didn't have to wait long however. "I just… had the strangest encounter…" Midna began, slowly recounting to him what she had just experienced. The fact she had attempted to _steal_ the potion caused him to frown at her disapprovingly, which she ignored. It was forgotten as she revealed how she had nearly been torn apart by a horde of cuccos.

Staring at her in shock, torn between amusement and horror, she told him about how she was saved by a strange interloper with blue magic.

"He was like, a stalfos, only unlike any I've ever seen." Midna related in an uncertain tone. _That_ made him stiffen in surprise, and he nudged her with his nose to attract her attention, looking at her pointedly.

She realised whom he was insinuating. "No he wasn't anything like that dusty old swordsman, this guy at least had a sense of humour, even if it was terrible. He wasn't dressed like a warrior or a wizard either, and spoke very casually, as if he… knew who I was…" Midna's speech petered out, her eyes widening, darting to and fro to Link's bafflement. What did _that_ mean?

The imp turned to him then, quickly fixing her expression into a determined smile. "Well, no use thinking about that. Let's hope these things he gave me work- eat up Link!" She chattered quickly, abruptly shoving one of the strange sausage-buns into his muzzle.

Deciding it was better to let her puzzling behaviour go for now, since he was unable to press her with speech, he did what he was told uncertainly, looking at her with a raised eyebrow all the while. She merely watched him eat hopefully, her expression increasingly apprehensive.

Once he finished eating it haphazardly, Midna pressed him gently. "Well? How do you feel? He said this would work… He better be right…!" She babbled, to which Link cocked his head, only to look down to his broken leg in surprise.

Surely enough, he felt his leg set properly, realign and strengthen with a rapidity that the hero could only think to attribute it to the strongest of magic. ' _What_ was _that thing?'_ He mused in wonderment. Midna laughed in relief beside him.

"Good! So it did work out after all! I wonder what magic it uses…?" Taking a bite of her own hot-dog, Midna immediately scowled at the taste.

"Blergh… how did you eat this thing so fast? This sauce is _terrible_!" She whined, to which Link leaned toward her and promptly licked her face, laughing inwardly as he gave something to genuinely be disgusted about.

Amused by Midna's indignant spluttering, smiling at her, Link began to feel the full force of his fatigue rush over him. His companion was safe, and he assumed whatever the magic was in the rather bland food she had given him only served to lull him.

Midna must have noticed his eyes drooping, as she stopped ranting, and smiled lopsidedly. "Well, I guess _now_ we can sleep then. You need to be careful in future, my little wolf! I went through chicken-heck to get that for you… no, no don't lick me again!" Her smug speech turned reprimanding as the wolf made to lick her again, instead grinning when she predicted his antics, her hands raised to block his advance.

So he settled for the next best thing, nudging her with his nose.

Feeling her hands stroke his head, he swallowed the strange feeling that arose and settled down. He was glad everything had turned out okay, despite the near disaster with the cuccos, and the meeting Midna had with the mysterious stalfos.

As she too settled down beside him, Link closed his eyes, and relegated his fears and concerns in favour of thoughts about his present company, which he was becoming fonder of every moment.

* * *

-S-

 _-Meanwhile, a long time ago in an Underground far, far away…-_

"SANS! WHAT THE DICKENS TOOK YOU SO LONG! MY MASTERFULLY ARRAYED SPAGHETTI DISH HAS NOW GONE COLD THANKS TO YOUR _TARDINESS!_ "

The voice of the royal-guard aspirant Papyrus bellowed loud enough to be heard throughout the entirety of Snowdin. Thankfully, the residents were long-used to the antics of both of the skeleton brothers, and paid it no mind.

Neither did the object this ire was directed at. "just picking up some fresh grub paps. i thought i could treat us both tonight since lately you've been working yourself down to the _bone_."

Papyrus merely stood there, winding up to shout anew at his brother's unconcerned behaviour and irritated at the pun. Until then, the tall skeleton had been sat on the sofa in their living room, staring at the clock. With each passing minute, his eyes distended further from their sockets in reflection of both his irritation and concern; now however, he was all the former.

"SANS! THIS IS NO JOKING MATTER! WHAT IF… WAIT… 'GRUB'? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SPAGHETTI HUH?!" Papyrus questioned, eyeing what appeared to be a chicken wing covered in tomato ketchup grasped in his brother's hand.

Sans observably twitched, though didn't react beyond splaying both his greasy hands in his usual placating manner. "hey, i thought i would provide for once, i can't let you feed me all the time! it's all in the kitchen, just help yourself bro."

Glaring at his brother suspiciously, Papyrus slowly made his way toward the kitchen as Sans suggested, watching as he sat down on the sofa and switch the television on disinterestedly.

Shaking his head, muttering about lazy siblings, the tall skeleton entered their kitchen only for his jaw to drop open in surprise.

In the centre of room laid an enormous dragon skull, its eyes glowing blue, mouth open and streaming with magical vapour. Papyrus recognised this as part of Sans' arsenal, though when he pressed his brother about its capabilities the short skeleton would always deflect the question, so he had given up trying to find out.

What he did not expect to be part of its repertoire was its capability in flame-roasting several dozen chickens in its mouth. As he approached, the blue fire within diminished, allowing Papyrus to tentatively tear a leg off one of the many roasts.

The tall skeleton felt his amazement and irritation simultaneously decline, replaced with a strange sense of accomplishment. Perhaps this was a sign that his brother was going to pull his weight more?

Before he could take a bite, Papyrus noticed something out of place… beyond the giant dragon head in his kitchen.

He had laid out two plates of spaghetti bolognaise on the counter behind the head in anticipation for his brother's arrival. Despite his hunger, he had wanted to wait so they could both eat together as families do.

Only both plates were empty.

He was certain that Sans hadn't eaten it himself- why would he if he brought this lavish feast? Nor did he expect he would be so disrespectful as to immediately throw it away.

A small shuffling sound, just behind the dragon skull. Despite the prickling sensation of fear, of utter wrongness, Papyrus apprehensively rounded around the makeshift oven to see what it was.

"OH! Are you a fairy, big mister?! My but you have such a feast! Surely you can teach Tingle your ways!"

…

" _SANS!"_

* * *

 **-X-**

(Insert KFC joke here) And cut.

You don't want to know what prompted this. In any case, this… 'half-crackfic' was an attempt at writing a little differently, and for a world and two characters that I'm particularly looking forward to writing about down the line.

Anyway… for readers of OMS and Power Trip, updates for both are soon coming. The latter especially has received new life after I outlined everything I want to do with it. As for this… thing… I already have a sequel in draft… hence my over the top descriptions in the early stages.

Thanks for reading in any case!


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